I am not a fan of nature, or at least I wasn’t until she was not only the backdrop, but also played a starring role in transforming my life.
I am a city dweller. Mainly because of my career. I am a quantity surveyor and purchaser for a construction company which specializes in Council infrastructure. Straight out of university I cut my teeth working for one of those large cookie cutter home builders and while it was a great way to learn through repetition there was little by way of variety or challenges. Once you have overseen 10 home builds there is little to distinguish one from another.
Working in a male dominated field, I realized straight away that I would need a way to ensure I was not only accepted but respected by the crews and trades I had to work with. While not petite I am not an imposing woman. Standing 5’6″, I have floppy brown hair with an undercut, hazel eyes and it doesn’t hurt that I am easy on the eye, despite not being particularly feminine. Although not super slim, most of my size 12 frame is due to playing squash and regular workouts that make me strong. I wanted to make sure I could surprise and keep up with any of the guys on site. I always muck in; to be accepted by the team you have to be part of the team and able to do what the team does.
I was always into sports and a tomboy and that didn’t change when many of my friends started practicing makeup on each other or whispering about the boys they fancied. I was different but I was comfortable in that difference. I guess my alternate sexuality was always there but it took a drunken night in my first week at university to even consider it a possibility. The ensuing thunder bolts and lightning meant there was no more naivety or pretending, the rest as they say is history.
As a relatively new member of the team at Horizon Construction, I was quite surprised when I was told that I would be working on a major new, all abilities playground project. It was a big deal to be picked for such a large project and especially when the project manager running the show was the daughter of the CEO, George Harris. Nikki Harris had been on leave since I started, taking a 2-month hiatus to travel apparently. Sounded like a nice life if your daddy can afford it, aka, a spoilt little rich kid, to me.
The office water fountain gossip told me that she was intense, had high expectations of those working with her and could be intimidating. In short, a major chip on her shoulder about people perceiving that nepotism had played a part in her position – I translated that all to mean she could be a bitch. What they didn’t tell me was that she was gorgeous. It was another of those thunderbolt and lighting moments when she walked into the conference room that Monday morning.
The team had gathered to discuss the playground project and were milling and making small talk. I was comparing weekends with Lee, the site manager, when the door opening caught my eye and Nikki strode in. It was like someone gave me a high-five to the face, right between my eyes! I got lost in my head just watching her as she walked around to the head of the table, greeting those she knew, taking control of the room and calling us all together. She was beautiful. She stood about 5’5″ with long dirty blond hair pulled back in a severe ponytail and the darkest blue eyes I had ever seen. She carried herself with confidence and her incredibly sexy figure was athletic, with curves in all the right places. I guessed she was a couple of years older than me, but she certainly looked fresh and relaxed from her travels. I immediately started to wonder where she had gone and what adventures she had enjoyed.
Like an idiot I was still standing and staring while everyone else started to take their seats. When she turned her gaze towards me, I had to snap out of it or risk making a total fool of myself. Hard enough given my heart was racing and my libido surging but then she turned her magnetic gaze towards me.
“You must be Jamie,” she said.
“Ah…Yes,” I replied. Desperately hoping that neither she nor anyone else could tell how unsettled I was.
“Welcome to the team, might you join us all at the table?” She suggested with just a drip of honey to her voice.
“Of course, sorry,” I mumbled while cursing myself internally for making such a poor first impression.
The meeting kicked off and I did my best to not just follow, but to participate, while also taking constant tangents in my head. Still berating myself for my ‘deer in the head lights’ moment, I was also noticing little things like the way she hiked an eyebrow when challenging someone’s point of view or the way she spoke with her hands which lead to noticing that she didn’t wear a ring. As if there was any chance, she liked women, let alone might like me. Her appearance screamed straight so I immediately put up the walls of protection, aka, forget about it.
It was in the middle of these musings that I suddenly became aware she was talking directly to me again.
“I, I’m sorry, c…can you repeat that please?” I stuttered.
“Yes Jamie,” she said, “I was suggesting that to ensure this project stays on target both from a timeframe and budget point of view that you and I have a weekly meeting to review all material orders and logistics, sound OK to you?” While it was a question, the tone left no room for me to brook an objection so of course I agreed.
As the meeting continued, I started fixating on why she would suggest such regular meetings. It was certainly not normal practice. Was she evaluating me as a relatively new employee of the company? That pissed me off because I had come in with experience, impeccable references and had not set a foot wrong in these first couple of months. No, more likely she was a control freak. That made sense in light of all I had been told about her.
Even after the meeting, as I stomped back to my small office on the floor below, I was already halfway to convincing myself that we were not going to get on at all.
The incident that got me the whole way was in our first one-on-one the following week.
I came prepared to impress with all of the quantity figures, quotations for all materials and a Gant chart for the delivery to site timetables to match the construction program. She gave it all a very cursory look over and asked me to seek further quotes saying she was convinced that we could get some of the material costs down and earn brownie points if we came in under budget. What she really meant was probably that she would get brownie points by taking credit for whatever my extra work would achieve! Fuck, this was going to mean another whole day on the phone with different new suppliers doing my damnedest to get prices even lower when I had already worked my usual suppliers to get a really good deal. I had rapidly got over my attraction thanks to her insufferable nature.
I must’ve let my petulance show as she turned to me, fixed me with those sapphire eyes and with a light voice asked, “Do we have a problem?”
“Absolutely not, I want the best results for this project,” I replied while clenching my teeth. There was no way I was going to give her the satisfaction of knowing that I was not happy with the extra work.
This first meeting set the tone for every other. It was always the same. I did my work diligently, but she always asked for more, sending me away to revisit calculations or revise quotations, one time I was to find suppliers with better reputations for sustainable materials. It was like she was looking for ways to pick apart my efforts. My mind was fully made up, she was a right royal pain in the arse!
Another nail in the coffin happened during one of the full team meetings. I dared voice a suggestion that, while it may cost us another week or two on the schedule, it would pay dividends to wait for the weather to warm a little before laying the rubber chip soft fall as it would set better over 20 degrees. She didn’t even give it 5 seconds consideration before casually saying, “Well thanks for that Jamie but I’m not sure how you evaluated that to be worth suggesting. We can use heat lamps and still get done on time for a fraction of the cost of holding up the whole project while waiting for good weather!”
Wow, she just graduated to mega bitch in my mind. Not only had she humiliated me in front of the whole team, but she did it in an unnecessarily harsh way.
The only confusing thing was that sometimes in our meetings or the larger team meetings I would catch her looking at me in an almost appraising way. Certainly nothing like getting the once over, more like she was contemplating me in some way or context that I was unaware of. It was disconcerting. My attraction to her was incongruent with my disdain for her personality and therefore the whole situation wrong footed me.
Imagine my unadulterated displeasure when Management sent an email announcing that the quarterly team builder exercise was going to be orienteering in pairs and the email attachment had me listed to pair with Nikki.
“I must’ve done something wrong in a past life to deserve this,” I whined to my flat mate, Alex over dinner that night.
Alex, ever the optimistic fairy sprinkling gay joy wherever he went replied, “Or you are looking at this all wrong, this may be a chance for you to build some rapport and end up with a better working relationship, after all, she’s the boss’s daughter, your project leader and probably has some say over your future trajectory.”
“Fuck, I hate it when you make sense and don’t just tell me what I want to hear!” I spat back with a wry smile.
So, the following Friday I duly showed up to the car park of the designated national park wearing activewear, trainers and with a small backpack of necessities. I would try and impress with my girl guide preparedness! If we could do well as a team on this exercise and also create a little common ground, then it’d be a day well spent!
We all milled around the car park, and I was chatting idly to a couple of the guys on my team when she arrived. Why was I not surprised that she was driving the latest model of Mercedes? What did surprise me was that as she stepped out of the car, she managed to take the air from my lungs again, same as she did that very first day in the boardroom.
Like me, she was wearing activewear and it molded to her perfect figure. Her hair, usually scraped back in a fairly severe ponytail was down, cascading around her shoulders and framing her beautiful smiling face. She looked relaxed and happy and as that was so out of character it did make me wonder cynically if maybe she got laid last night! I realized I didn’t like that idea but did not waste time considering why, it was Nikki and she infuriated me.
She looked around and her eyes finally fell on me. With a smile she started to walk my way and I muttered to myself, “OK, showtime, turn on the charm!” I smiled back and called out a greeting, “Hey, morning teammate, hope you are up for the challenge?”
“Absolutely, I should warn you I can be a little competitive with these things,” she replied.
Oh, goody, I can be a bit competitive too so maybe we will be on the same page for once. Just as she reached me the event organisers called for everyone’s attention and so we both turned, standing shoulder to shoulder as they started to explain the exercise and what was required. As I listened, I also started to become uncomfortably aware of her shoulder mere millimeters from mine. It was like her body was giving off heat that only I was hypersensitive to. I shifted my weight to just move away a fraction, create some space so I could go back to concentrating on the briefing. I needed to remember she was straight, I had zero chance with her, oh and that all important fact, I could barely stand her!
The whole route encompassed 10 control points and was about 8kms through the Bunyip national forest. It should take approximately 2-3 hours. Each pairing was given a map, compass and a control punch card. Our starts were staggered 10 minutes apart and we needed to follow the map, find the control points and use the punch to mark our cards. The winners would be the team that got back to the meet point with their card fully marked in the shortest time.
I figured we did have a good chance at this as we both appeared pretty fit and had both admitted to a competitive streak. The only rogue element in this was could we work together or would we succumb to a power struggle as we both like to lead. Given I was trying to be charming and build a better rapport, as per Alex’s advice, I knew I would need to follow her lead.
In the draw we had pulled the second last start time, so we waited as each of the other groups set off. As we waited, she surprised me by saying, “I actually don’t have any experience with this sport or even reading a compass, let alone a map for that matter, do you?”
“Not since I was a girl guide,” I conceded. “But I can remember a few things.”
“Here,” I said turning and placing the map on the bonnet of my car, I gave her an overview of how to read the map which showed the course and control points.
After my summary she said, “OK, seems simple enough”.
I responded, “The tricky part is with this fine scale, the exact location of the control points is hard to pinpoint from the map, we are going to be searching in the general vicinity and hoping to find the punch quickly.”
“Got it!” she said sounding confident and with a large smile. “Needle in a haystack stuff!”
I suggested that I read the map and she carry the compass, I would tell her from the map the direction we needed, and she could give us our heading. I was glad that she was allowing me to guide her, thinking how totally different she was being outside of the normal work environment. Friendly almost.
We got called up to the starting line and having already assessed our map I told her we needed to head NNW, straight into the forest, for approximately 600m to find the first control point.
“Ready, steady, go!” shouted the organizer and we set off, it was a swift walking pace with Nikki keeping one eye on the compass but looking up frequently to see where she was going. We made good time and found the first control point without any issues. I told her the next direction and we set off again. We settled into a rhythm and were looking for our 4th control point when she started opening up and talking about things other than the task at hand.
“I’m glad we got paired up for this,” she said.
“Oh really,” I answered blandly.
“Yes,” She said. “I have a feeling that we have not gelled in our roles on the project, and I wanted a chance to build some bridges with you.” Oh, well that just marched the elephant from the corner of the room right out front and centre didn’t it?
“I’m not sure what you mean,” I answered noncommittally.
“Sure you do, I hate to be the one to break it to you but you don’t have the best poker face,” she said with a playful smile.
“Um, ok,” I was getting flustered now, thinking back to that first meeting and wondering if she had realised how physically drawn to her, I had been.
“See,” she said. “Right now, I can see your cogs are whirring, what are you thinking about?”
“Oh, um….,” My brain scratched around desperately trying to think of anything else I could say instead of what I had actually been thinking. “I was just wondering what you think would help us gel?” Wow, wherever that came from, it was good, pushed the focus back on to her and got me out from under her scrutiny.
“I call bullshit but good question,” she answered. The way she smiled knowingly at me was unnerving and made my tummy muscles clench.
“Excuse me?” I even managed to sound both offended and quizzical.
“That wasn’t what you were thinking but I’ll play along. Maybe we could talk a bit about ourselves and find out if we have any common ground or interests,” she suggested.
Phew, if she could tell that I was full of shit, could she also tell what I was hiding?
“Yeah, OK, so I heard you were travelling before this project started, where did you go?” I replied.
“Try not to judge me,” she said looking a little sheepish, “but I was travelling around Mexico in an attempt to clear my head and get over my ex.”
I surprised myself by being quite forward and asking “Did it work?”
“Not in isolation but overall, yes, I think I am past that now” she said slightly cryptically. I decided not to push my luck and ask for more.
“Have you ever been to Mexico?” She asked.
“No, but I once did a similar thing, travelling to get over someone. I was never with them but they had taken up mental real estate in my mind and I needed distance to shake that.”
Astutely she picked up on my avoidance of using pronouns and just hit me with the questions directly.
“So, it was a woman?” She asked bluntly.
I guess given my appearance and the way I conduct myself I assume that everyone automatically knows I am gay so there was no issue in confirming this for her.
“Yes,” I said not feeling the need to hide anything.
“Did it work for you?” She asked.
“Yes, pretty much the same as you. Might not have been the whole cure but it certainly put me on the right path,” I replied.
There might be something to her theory of sharing a little of ourselves in order to find common ground. My internal frost towards her was starting to thaw just a little.
“So, tell me, how do you like to spend your weekends?” She asked.
“Visiting family, going to the gym, nights out with friends and movies with my flat mate, all the usual stuff. How about you?” I replied.
“Much the same, with one variation, my flat mate is an ill-tempered Corgi called Biscuit,” she responded.
“Oh, that’s so cool, I’ve always adored Corgis,” I said enthusiastically.
“Yes, well this one is good for hugs, long walks and demanding treats but that’s about it,” her voice had a tinge of sadness to it which made me feel a little awkward and unsure of how to answer.
Silence fell for a little while until she noted that she should be getting close to the next control point and needed to start looking for the punch.
We found it hanging from a tree branch, marked our card and changed direction to head SW in search of the next control point.
“So, is this your idea of a fun weekend pursuit?” She asked.
“I am enjoying the challenge but I’m more into solo sports like going to the gym or kayaking, over this team stuff,” I replied.
“Really, does that mean you also prefer being single?” Wow she cut right to that personal question, didn’t she? If I didn’t know better, I’d think she was trying to find out if I was single. She said it while looking down and did not look at me or even up from the ground until I answered. We were walking side by side along a path, still under the cover of the forest.
“No,” I said slowly, “But I guess its what I am used to as I have been single for a while now.”
“I find that surprising” she said, finally looking my way and smiling ever so slightly. I was just starting to admit to myself that she really was as beautiful as I had thought that first day when, out of the corner of my eye, I spotted movement on the edge of the path just in front of her.
I didn’t think, I reacted.
I threw my left arm out in front of her and then pushed backwards, at the same time stepping in front of her to just where she had been about to step. She fell backwards and grunted as she hit the ground. At the same time the snake struck my left leg, sinking its fangs into my ankle. As fast as it struck, it retreated and slithered away.
“What the fuck was that?” She yelled.
I watched the snake go until it was out of sight before I turned to her. My head was swimming. Did I just kill myself? That looked like a small brown snake. What the fuck was I supposed to do to try and save myself?